When you lose something you can't replace...

She looked out of the window, like she was staring into a blur future. Her eye brows furrowed. Her intense gaze caused the lines on her forehead to look like multiple streams of angry rivers; some criss-crossed and some merged and some remained lonely. It was a typical October evening. Everything was slow. Everything was orange-brown. The evening set a feeling of dreariness; a grim one. Leaves dropped, each of them swaying elegantly among the other, creating a gentle rustle and cascading onto the foot of the tree. The vermilion sun disappeared below the horizon. Sunset was her favorite time of the day, she thought. It was his favorite too.

Her eyes followed a small rain drop that made its way through from the window top. The glass steamed up due to the temperature difference. The drop stopped every once in a while, trying to make its way through, changing its course, trying to break free. It seemed like it was struggling its way down to the end. A struggle that resonated in her. She was so lost in deep thoughts that she barely noticed the constant pitter-patter on the window; it had blended beautifully with the October wind.

She sighed; sipped the coffee that had gotten moderately cold and watched closely, closely at something far far away. There was a sense of familiarity; something her mind recognized without her conscious effort. A sudden chillness ran up her spine. She shivered. She wondered if she had fallen into a trance. She felt lost; confused; bewildered. Her effervescent, vibrant self was nothing but a long lost memory. She wondered when was the last time that her eyes reflected the happiness her smile portrayed. She felt ominous clouds clogging her mind, her fingers felt cold and numb; her hands trembled as she put down her cup of coffee. She felt like everything was closing in on her and then she strangely reminded herself that she had nothing more to lose.

A deafening silence reverberated. She feebly walked to break the silence; she turned on the radio.

                  "When you try your best, but you don't succeed
                  When you get what you want, but not what you need
                  When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
                  Stuck in reverse

                  And the tears come streaming down your face
                  When you lose something you can't replace
                  When you love someone, but it goes to waste
                  Could it be worse?

                  Lights will guide you home
                  And ignite your bones
                  And I will try to fix you”…….
                      (- ColdPlay)

She dropped onto the couch; held on to her pillow, and thought about life; how it din’t pan out as she planned. Her fingers ran down her bucket list; a childish creation that she and her roommate had created; one that depicted innocent dreams of two teenage girls. It had been pinned to her board for years now.
Trekking the Swiss Alps and Sky-diving topped the list. Life seemed simple back then. Why couldn't it continue being that simple, why can't life go on like I planned it, she wondered.

A thunder suddenly cracked the air, as if the heavens were at war. Of course, life doesn’t work that way she thought, as she recollected the first day she met him. He was smart, with a smile that made her weak in the knees; he was handsome but he dint know it; and his humor and wit indicated his brilliance. He walked into her life with affection, made her feel loved with his tenderness, and held her securely in his arms. A quick smile flashed on her face. Almost like a lightening, but faded away.

She experienced emotions that had no explanation. She contemplated about her recent past, her eyes were moist; for once she dint push them back; she let it be. Tears trickled down like little drops. The drops stopped every once in a while, trying to make its way through, changing its course, trying to break free. It seemed like it was struggling its way down to the end. A struggle that resonated in her.

Her finger nails pierced through the soft pillow as she wept. She finally wept like she hadn't before. She wept till she wanted to. She wept till her eyes went dry. And when she let go, the pillow fell off. She felt lighter. She wondered how long the relief would last. And then she thought to herself,

                  "I miss you more than I can bear, 
                  but we had our time together.
                  I have to let you go" 
                                 (- Inception)