Faith. Hope.

         

Life is often marked by a series of events that are either filled with joy or with sorrow. Chasms. But there comes a time in everyone’s life, when you are filled with doubts. Doubts about yourself. You question yourself, your intelligence, your capability, your ability to be a good friend n all of that. I’m pretty sure all of us have had our share of am-I-a-good-fit-for-this-job thoughts, am-I-making-a-blunder-by-dating-this-guy/girl, am-I-a-good-daughter/son moments etc. etc. And all of this happens, more often than not, because of the current affairs in one’s life. It is quite natural. No one is to blame. Some are event driven; some are because of over-thinking, some retrospection and some pure hallucination. :P

Although I haven’t even reached my quarter-life crisis, I seem to have experienced all of the above. Now, I don’t know if that’s because I have an extremely eventful life or it’s just that I am highly delusional. I hope it’s the former.

School, College, Grad/Med school puts you through plethora of emotions. Some good, some bad, and some ugly. Marks, ranks, grades, percentages, GPAs have made me question my potential. Secrets, backbiting, double-crossing, betrayals have made me question myself as a friend. Not meeting expectations sometimes have made me question myself as a daughter. There was always some quantifying factor that raised my doubt.

Questioning yourself for your own betterment is good; questioning yourself to the extent of losing your own confidence is unfortunate. As much as these small events can raise tremendous uncertainties, there are always other incidents that we fail to notice that restores our faith. Small gestures from a friend, who bakes you a cake for no reason, or makes your favorite dal on a not so favorite day, or sends you a text message after seeing some old photos, or just be there to listen to your nonsense. Little things to make your day better, like someone told me once that to see a lady bug is very lucky, and twice in my life I have seen a lady bug the day before an important event – both times everything worked out just fine for me. May be its true, may be not. But its just some faith, or may be some positive energy to make my day better. 

As much as anyone is sad during a downhill, suddenly things will fall into place and everything will workout, and we need to start building our faith from these little incidents. I myself don’t know clearly what I mean when I say “faith” or when I say, “build faith”- its ambiguous. Its just trust or confidence, may be in the powers of the universe :P, but its true and it happens to almost every other person. Some just turn a blind eye to it. That’s all!

Recent events in my life have lead me to believe that there is faith, if you want to have it. Martin Luther King Jr once rightly said, "Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase"