Life is often marked by a series of events that are either
filled with joy or with sorrow. Chasms. But there comes a time in everyone’s life, when you are filled
with doubts. Doubts about yourself. You question yourself, your intelligence,
your capability, your ability to be a good friend n all of that. I’m pretty sure all of
us have had our share of am-I-a-good-fit-for-this-job thoughts,
am-I-making-a-blunder-by-dating-this-guy/girl, am-I-a-good-daughter/son moments
etc. etc. And all of this happens, more often than not, because of the current affairs
in one’s life. It is quite natural. No one is to blame. Some are event driven;
some are because of over-thinking, some retrospection and some pure
hallucination. :P
Although I haven’t even reached my quarter-life crisis, I seem to have
experienced all of the above. Now, I don’t know if that’s because I have an
extremely eventful life or it’s just that I am highly delusional. I hope it’s
the former.
School,
College, Grad/Med school puts you through plethora of emotions. Some good, some
bad, and some ugly. Marks, ranks, grades, percentages, GPAs have made me question
my potential. Secrets, backbiting, double-crossing, betrayals have made me
question myself as a friend. Not meeting expectations sometimes have made me
question myself as a daughter. There was always some quantifying factor that
raised my doubt.
Questioning
yourself for your own betterment is good; questioning yourself to the extent of
losing your own confidence is unfortunate. As much as these small events can
raise tremendous uncertainties, there are always other incidents that we fail
to notice that restores our faith. Small gestures from a friend, who bakes you
a cake for no reason, or makes your favorite dal on a not so favorite day, or
sends you a text message after seeing some old photos, or just be there to
listen to your nonsense. Little things to make your day better, like someone
told me once that to see a lady bug is very lucky, and twice in my life I have
seen a lady bug the day before an important event – both times everything
worked out just fine for me. May be its true, may be not. But its just some
faith, or may be some positive energy to make my day better.
As much as
anyone is sad during a downhill, suddenly things will fall into place and
everything will workout, and we need to start building our faith from these
little incidents. I myself don’t know clearly what I mean when I say “faith” or
when I say, “build faith”- its ambiguous. Its just trust or confidence, may be in
the powers of the universe :P, but its true and it happens to almost every
other person. Some just turn a blind eye to it. That’s all!
Recent
events in my life have lead me to believe that there is faith, if you want to
have it. Martin Luther King Jr once rightly said, "Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole
staircase"
